Letter to my Prospective Bride

Hey Honey,

You would be wondering why I am writing. I mean, in this age and world of instant communication, why would I take efforts to write something? Well, that’s because there are many things unsaid which I would like you to understand. We are going to be married soon, and it’s important that you know the insides of my brain too.

You are going to be part of a new family soon. Let me reinstate that by no means you will be leaving one family to go into another. I would like to believe that both of us are expanding our respective families. Having a new set of parents, siblings, relatives. Your parents will not only be yours, but also mine, just as my family will be yours. Your share in their good times and bad will not decrease after marriage. On the other hand, the quota of our happiness and sorrows will be distributed between more people, with happiness being increased and difficulties being decreased.

I know the society has fed you from the very beginning that one day you will be leaving your family, your parents and will be adopting a new family. The same society has told me that as a man I am right in whatever atrocities I carry out against you or your families in the name of being “ladke waale”. The same set of people who have, ever since I was born, have told me that it is my responsibility to make sure that you fall in line with the customs of my family. I don’t agree with this “society”. I believe that we make the society. That instead of becoming what we hate, we as a couple should be an example for others who will enter into the holy bond of matrimony. To that extent I promise you that wherever you feel intimidated at such thoughts, I’ll step alongside you and we’ll face these together. You are an educated woman, smarter and more intelligent than me (which is why I fell for you in the first place). You’ll not like me to stand in front of you, for I know the thrill that we both feel when we face challenges alone. However, you’ll never be alone in whichever adventure you undertake.

Yes, I do have expectations from my partner too. I would like to believe that I have taken good care of my parents. Tried to be the proverbial “Sharmaji ka beta” that all other fathers use as reference for their sons. I did it for no other reason except for the fact that I love my parents. I have seen their sacrifices to raise me. The saree that my Mom didn’t buy, or the pair of shoes which my father thought he could do without-yes I am aware of all that, even though they want me to turn a blind eye to these “little things”. And these little things are the reason why I work hard, so that I can provide a better tomorrow not only to my future (which includes you), but also to those who have made me the way I am. All I expect from you is that you’ll treat them with the same love and care that I have tried to provide them with. True, there are going to be some issues, but nothing that you cannot handle. I want you to realize that i will be their son always and that there is no question of competition between the two of you. Please do not put me in a situation where I need to make choices. You have seen the way I treat your parents. I have tried to be a son to them too. And I have never asked you to stop being their daughter. Please give them, and me, this assurance that they’ll not be asked to change their views after seeing this world for more than 60 years. You have been daddy’s princess. I have seen that. Even my sister is my father’s princess. They may not explicitly tell this to her, but I guess both the siblings are aware of that. I have seen the way you defend your family irrespective of all the flaws that they might have. And I will be lucky to have a daughter who takes after you. I wish you remain the same for your new parents too.

Every relationship goes through compromises. I may have done more, or less, but nonetheless we have compromised to be where we are with respect to understanding each other. However, marriage is going to be different. We are not going to go to our respective different places after the day is over. Instead, we will be seeing each other day in and day out. Living with each other, with all our flaws. Expecting that the world will be served to you on a platter is wrong on your part. You would need to compromise, just like I have for your sake (that included listening music at loud volumes). The point is that keeping an attitude that we won’t be bend no matter what is suicidal for both of us. I promise it’s not going to be something that you will live to regret. What is important that we retain our identities while being better version of ourselves. These are just a few expectations and concerns that I have. We both know its going to be tough. But if it’s going to be worth it, that depends on how much we love we love each other.

Love, now and always.

Your Soon-to-be-Husband